Scriptures gone wild- Channeling Dekayananda

Channeling Dekayananda


Some of you may already be familiar with Dekayananda.


To begin with I want to say that I do not do this to put down any Holy scriptures or beliefs. There are beautiful and inspiring words in every religious book and teaching. The thing that I want to point out is that a person can take any scripture or character and come up with their own spin. So here is Dekayananda to illustrate that point.


First let us invoke the presence of saints and sages of all religions:


Here we find an inspiring picture of Saint Bernard experiencing  the Divine Mother.

Here

The miraculous lactation of St. Bernard

here

We find further inspiration from the life of St. Drogo the patron saint of repulsive, unattractive, mentally ill people and coffee drinkers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Drogo 

Drogo of Seborg felt responsible for the death of his mother (she died when he was born) and he lived riddled with guilt. When he was 20 years old, he was stricken with a deforming body affliction that made the townspeople run in terror at the sight of him. He was a bilocating saint which meant that he was able to be in two places at once, thus doubling the number of people who could be repulsed at the sight of him. 

Being compassionate people,  a cell was built for him next to the church. He lived without human contact for 40 years, seeing only the occasional curiosity seeker peering through his food slot.

 He was fed through a small window living only on water, barley and the holy wafer. Amen. 

He apparently didn't get any coffee so why the coffee house thing I don't know. Maybe it has to do with how unattractive people look in the morning before their morning coffee.

This story also brings to mind the story of Saint Christopher who was blessed with the face of a dog in order to ward off female attention. Apparently it was not the face of a Saint Bernard (see above) who apparently is not adverse to female attention. The Hindu God Ganesha (the lord of success) has the face of an elephant and he is very successful with the ladies. Here he is wearing a Hugh Heffner jacket surrounded by babes.

here

One of my favorite saints is the Sikh Saint Baba Deep Singh who at age 70 actually fought for the Golden temple after being Decapitated. Thats right DECAPITATED. He held his head up in front of him so he could see where he was going and continued with battle! THAT is one tough saint!

(from: Religion and Nationalism in India)

This is reminiscent of the story of St. Denis who was beheaded by a Pagan priest (maybe Voltamort) and carried his head for miles under his arm. It is said he was preaching as he walked.

This illustrates the unity of East and West.

here

Let us turn now to the Scripture

Inspiring Bible verses about the Holy sacrament of Marriage.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2022&version=NIV 

 Now he has slandered her and said, 'I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.' But here is the proof of my daughter's virginity." Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town,

Commentary by Dekayananda:


Be sure to tell the hotel to save the sheets from the Honeymoon suite.


 ²⁰ If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, ²¹ she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. 


Commentary by Dekayananda:


HOLY TOLEDO!!!

 ²⁸ If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, ²⁹ he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. ^[c] He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

Commentary by Dekayananda:

Because it is the dream of every young girl to be married off to the rapist who violated her.

Hindu Scripture

split open thy penis like the dike of a lake--thus let thy urine be released, out completely, with the sound ba!
 Relaxed is the opening of thy bladder like the ocean, the reservoir of water--thus let thy urine be released, out completely, with the sound ba.

 And a man shall void both urine and feces, facing the north, in the day-time, but at night he shall do it turning towards the south; for (if he acts) thus, his life will not be injured. 

(Commentary by Dekayananda: I think this may have something to do with the direction of the wind)

 The intellect of that man perishes who voids urine against a fire, the sun, a cow, a Brahman, the moon, water, and the morning or evening twilights. 

(Commentary by Dekayananda: Caution! Do NOT pee on a cow or a Brahman or try to shoot for the moon as this would make you look REALLY stupid. You learn in later lessons Urine and fire is a definite no-no for beginning students)

 Let him not void urine in a river, nor on a path, nor on ashes, nor on cowdung, nor on a ploughed field, nor on one which has been sown, nor on a grass-plot, nor in the shade (of trees) that afford protection (to travelers). 

(Commentary by Dekayananda: Have some courtesy, Guys….)

 Standing in the shade (of houses, clouds, and so forth), when it is quite dark, and when he fears for his life, a Brahman may void urine, by day and by night, in any position he pleases. 

(Commentary by Dekayananda: If you fear for your life you can even do it while running if need be, but generally we recommend the standing still with legs slightly spread asana)

 (Afterwards) he shall perform the necessary (purification) with water fetched for the purpose (from a tank or river, and with earth). 

(Commentary by Dekayananda: Cleanliness is next to Godliness boys but PLEASE only use water fetched for THAT purpose and could you PLEASE put the lid down, Thanks)

Lord Vishnu- Hindu God and preserver of the universe

Ok. So that is it for now with Dekayananda.

Peace and Best Wishes,

KD (Dekayananda)