As Requested:How I came to leave SRF (part one)

HOW I CAME TO ACT ON MY DOUBTS

This is a subject I don't have much heart for. I don't really like going into this subject because it sort of invades my families privacy, but I will try to cover it lightly.
 How did I come to leave a cult after being a totally devoted member for 25 years?
I never belonged to any other church other than SRF. I have been to other churches during my life but SRF is the only one I ever joined. Basically, everything I knew about religion came from SRF.

DYSFUNCTION JUNCTION
If I had followed my instinct I would never have come back after the first time I went to a group meditation. I was taking the lessons at the time and I went to a meditation at a smaller meditation center. The people seemed very anal. No one said hello or asked me if I was in the right place or anything. Everyone was hyper-conscientious about silence and there was zero talking even outside the meditation room. The ushers gestured instead of speaking. When I left that day,  I thought I would never come back but as fate would have it, I soon moved to an area where there was a temple and even though they were not "friendly" they certainly were not obsessed with complete vows of silence.
Over the years that I was a member of SRF, there were times I had a "bad feeling" about what was being said or done. These are moments of clarity. Times when the rhetoric and the actions didn't quite cut it. Still I soldiered on. I did this for many reasons. First of all SRF does not want members talking about any negative experiences. When we are together in a group we are only allowed to talk about how great SRF and the Gurus are. Secondly, we are told that if there is a problem the problem is 100% us. The organization, the Gurus and the teachings are perfect. Any perceived shortcoming is our shortcoming NOT theirs. They get their marching orders directly from God. We are "out of tune with God" if we question anything.


I had some strange observations over the years. I witnessed freak outs if someone put an SRF book on the floor. I saw peoples faces turn to horror if someone asked a thought producing question. I saw massive controversy over choosing carpet color.
At one point SRF sent a special monastic to our area to tell us we were not under any circumstances allowed to go to any other church as this would be considered disloyalty to the Guru. There was even conflict between local temples, groups and centers over who had a right to exist as they were seen as "taking" members away from each other. ...And they were all SRF!
I witnessed some very weird decisions from Mother Center. A man was barred from being a service reader because he had a mild spastic condition. Another man was not allowed to bring a special chair to meditation even though he needed it for a back condition.

SUPER SECRET EVERYTHING
 Then there was the whole super secret thing.
The Kriya yoga initiation is a "secret" baptism. You take the vow in secrecy. You cannot invite your friends and family to witness and partake of the event with you. It is done behind closed doors with only approved members involved. You are not allowed to tell anyone what the ceremony entails.
When we went to the annual Convocation we were told not to use our armrest boards or meditate in public areas. I personally was reprimanded for sitting cross legged (not meditating) next to a fountain. If this is truly a great teaching from God. that is a giant leap forward for mankind, why is the reality of it hid behind closed doors? We bow before pictures of crosslegged Gurus but we can't sit in this posture in public? Why hide the great truth from all of mankind? Why keep it in the closet?


THE PRIVILEGED ELITE
Then there were the reports about celebrities and The SRF president that seemed strange.
 I read that Elvis Presley had a "close personal" relationship with her. I read that Tobacco heiress Doris Duke had a "close personal" relationship with her. I read that George Harrison had a "close personal" relationship with her. I read that Dennis Weaver had a "close personal" relationship with her.
I wondered, how do all of these rich people have a "close personal" relationship with her and yet the rank and file worker bees have such lowly vibrations we can't even count on hearing her speak once a year at convocation. Some people come to convocation once in their lifetime, even from other countries but their "vibrations" are less "good" than a tobacco Heiress and a rock star? C'mon...

...And this brings me to another thing that struck me as odd. Dennis Weaver was a lay minister in southern California.  I knew someone else who wanted to be a lay minister but he was told that SRF didn't have them. If he wanted to lead services he could be a Service Reader (if approved). A Service Reader is a Kriyaban who reads verbatim an SRF approved writing. I once knew a service reader who got in trouble for adding inspirational thoughts to the Service Reading. They want you to read them EXACTLY as written and apparently as monotone as possible. Yet there was Dennis Weaver, lay minister, giving his own talks, so what was up with that? I am sure he was a good man, but why the special privileges that apparently are not open to all?

WEIRD INSPIRATIONAL FILMS
We were shown some very strange inspirational films at convocation. The fact that no one ever mentioned the weird stuff in them was kind of a tip off. In one movie we were shown the Lake Shrine dedication. In the dedication Yogananda can barely walk and he has to have assistance. I wondered why no one ever said anything about this. We were told that he took on the Karma of his disciples and that he had disabilities at the end of his life. I personally have been in the elevator that was installed at Mother Center to accomodate his disability, so I know it is true. I was told by one of the nuns that he used a wheel chair but I have never seen a picture of him in one. It is not a big deal that he was disabled but why is the nature of his condition kept secret and virtually unknown? Taking on the Karma of others sure looks a lot like getting sick from an unhealthy lifestyle. He died a fairly young man. When a 300 pound Guru gets gout or has a heart attack it is a miracle of salvation. When WE have gout or a heart attack it is our Karma and we deserve it. So There!

The other odd film was of The SRF president. I don't know what the film was but I remember one scene where a man says that he can't get up because of his legs are paralyzed and she kind of snaps at him "Yes, I know" and moves on. It was strange because she seemed so heartless and yet it was being shown to make us revere her. The strange thing is that no one says anything about this stuff they just act like it was all great and they are so inspired.

OUTSIDE THE BOX
The first thing that made me start thinking outside the box was that I didn't like the way my kids were treated by SRF. I adopted them after I had already been in SRF for many years. The kids hated it there and I don't blame them. In the interest of keeping my kids private lives private, I will just say that they were treated badly because of their "bad karma" and made to feel inferior. Then my spouse became very sick and it was all his "karma".  I was told that he "would be back". They wouldn't come see him in the hospital or even pray for him. They just stuck his name in a box and said "Master knows" his need, I was completely without emotional support. Another church that my mom attends sent out a prayer line for him and sent THEIR clergy to visit. SRF couldn't be bothered. It was then that I came to the realization that as a church, SRF was completely without comfort and compassion.

It was at this time I stopped attending services. Then I started asking questions within myself, but I was still loyal to Yogananda. Until the questions started getting answered...
(Part two: The questions get answered)